Boundaries Are Biblical: Loving Like Jesus Without Losing Your Mind

Let’s talk about the thing that makes people squirm in church foyers and avoid phone calls from their cousins:

Boundaries.

Somewhere along the way, many of us—especially those of us who love Jesus and have a soft spot for people—were taught that being godly meant being available, exhausted, and emotionally bankrupt. And that saying “no” was somehow un-Christian.

Let me lovingly correct that theology right now.

Boundaries are not only healthy—they’re holy. They aren’t a wall to keep people out. They’re a framework that protects what God has called you to steward—including your peace, your purpose, and your emotional well-being.

🙋🏽‍♀️ But Didn't Jesus Say to Lay Down Your Life?

Yes. But sis, He didn’t say lay down your sanity too.

Yes, Jesus laid down His life. But He also walked away from crowds, disappeared from His disciples, and told people no without apology. Jesus had divine boundaries. And if He needed them in perfection, then we definitely need them in our processing.

“But Jesus often withdrew to desolate places and prayed.”— Luke 5:16 (ESV)

Translation: even Jesus took a break from everybody to recharge. If your “serving” leads to silent bitterness and emotional burnout, it’s not sacrifice—it’s self-neglect disguised as holiness.

💡 Boundaries Aren’t Rejection. They’re Direction.

Let’s clear something up: Agape love isn’t enablement. It’s empowerment.

Agape love, the God-kind of love, isn’t about letting people drain you in the name of ministry, motherhood, marriage, or mentorship. It’s about loving people from a place of wholeness, not martyrdom.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”— 1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)

Sometimes, love sounds like:

• “I love you, but I can’t talk right now.”

• “I care, but I won’t allow disrespect.”

• “I’ll pray for you, but I’m not your Savior.”

  
  

Jesus didn’t die for you to spend your life overcommitted and overwhelmed. He died to give you freedom—and part of freedom is learning how to say no without guilt and yes without resentment.

😅 When You Set a Boundary and People Get Mad…

Ah yes. The ungodly spirits of disappointment and manipulation show up.

Let me say this with love and truth: You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your obedience.

People who benefitted from your lack of boundaries will absolutely be offended when you start building them. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong—it often means you’re growing.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”— Proverbs 29:25 (ESV)

You are not unloving for not answering every text. You are not un-Christlike for needing space. You are not disobedient for protecting your emotional wellness.

In fact, you're being a good steward of the temple God gave you.

❤️ Agape Love Requires Boundaries

Want to love like Jesus? Start by honoring your capacity.

Jesus didn’t just love deeply—He loved wisely. He knew His assignment, He knew His limitations, and He knew when to retreat and recharge.

Agape love says:

• “I will be present with you, but I won’t carry what God hasn’t called me to.”

• “I will help you, but I will not enable you.”

• “I will forgive you, but I will not re-enter a toxic cycle.”

  
  

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”— Proverbs 4:23 (ESV)

Boundaries guard your heart so you can love well—without resentment, bitterness, or burnout.

🪷 Real Talk from... me.

I’ve coached women who say yes until they’re sick. Who equate being “used by God” with being used up. Who confuse emotional availability with emotional erosion.

Hear me clearly: You are allowed to have boundaries and still be holy. You are allowed to say no and still be loving. You are allowed to rest and still be righteous.

Jesus didn’t call you to be everything to everyone. He called you to be obedient to Him—and sometimes obedience sounds like, “Not today, Martha. I’m choosing the better thing.” (see Luke 10:42)

📣 Final Word

If you’re on a healing journey and learning how to set boundaries, know this:

You’re not being rude. You’re not being cold. You’re becoming wise.

Boundaries aren’t about controlling others—they’re about being self-controlled, Spirit-led, and rooted in the truth that you are not the Savior. You are a daughter. A steward. A vessel.

Let the Lord teach you how to pour from a full cup—one that’s been refilled in His presence, not wrung dry by people-pleasing.

That, my friend, is emotional wellness. And yes—it’s biblical.

With grace and truth,

Adrienne K.