You Can’t Heal What You’ve Normalized

Honesty is key.

Alright y'all— I just celebrated my birthday (that's why there was no post last week) and I want to make sure you get this in the Lord's year 2026. Come sit with me for a minute... not in the “grab your journal and a cute latte” way, but in the we need to be honest because healing requires truth way. Because if you’re still here, still reading, still nodding quietly to yourself, it tells me something important: you’re not afraid of growth. You’re just tired of circling the same mountain with better vocabulary.

And I love you too much to let that continue.

Here’s the truth most of us were never taught to name:

You cannot heal what you have normalized.

And normalization is sneaky. It doesn’t feel dangerous. It feels familiar. It feels responsible. It even feels spiritual sometimes. But just because something is common in your life does not mean it is healthy—and just because you’ve learned to tolerate something does not mean it was ever meant to be carried.

Many of us have been surviving for so long that we stopped questioning the weight. We adjusted. We adapted. We became “strong.” We learned how to function with chronic exhaustion, emotional self-neglect, inconsistent relationships, and unspoken resentment—and then we called that maturity. But healing does not begin where coping is constantly justified. Healing begins where truth interrupts what you’ve learned to endure.

Let’s talk about what normalization actually looks like, because it rarely announces itself as dysfunction.

Normalization looks like explaining behavior that keeps hurting you. It looks like dismissing your own needs because “others have it worse.” It looks like staying emotionally guarded and calling it wisdom. It looks like being chronically overwhelmed but telling yourself this is just what adulthood—or leadership—or faithfulness—requires. Over time, you stop asking why something hurts and start asking how to endure it better. And that shift matters more than we like to admit.

Here’s where it gets tender.

Most women did not normalize unhealthy patterns because they wanted to suffer. They normalized them because at some point, those patterns kept them safe. Emotional distance protected you. Over-functioning earned you approval. Silence reduced conflict. Hyper-independence ensured you wouldn’t be disappointed again. These were not character flaws. They were intelligent adaptations formed in environments where your needs were not consistently met.

But what once protected you can later imprison you.

And if no one has said it plainly, let me be the one: God does not heal what we refuse to name. Not because He is unwilling—but because truth is the doorway to transformation. As long as pain is reframed as “normal,” it never gets addressed. It just gets spiritualized, minimized, or buried under productivity and service.

This is why so many people feel stuck despite praying faithfully and serving diligently. It’s not that prayer isn’t powerful—it’s that prayer cannot replace awareness. You cannot surrender what you won’t acknowledge. And you cannot partner with God in healing while insisting everything is “fine.”

Let me lovingly snatch this edge right here:

Calling something “just how I am” does not make it identity—it makes it unexamined.

Calling something “normal” does not make it godly—it makes it familiar.

Jesus did not come to help us cope better with brokenness. He came to restore what was fractured. And restoration requires disruption. It requires slowing down long enough to notice what you’ve been tolerating and asking the uncomfortable but necessary question: Why did this ever become acceptable to me?

This is where identity and healing collide.

When your sense of self is unclear, you will normalize what aligns with survival, not truth. You will excuse patterns that contradict peace because chaos feels familiar. You will tolerate emotional inconsistency because stability once felt unavailable. You will override your discernment and call it grace. But discernment doesn’t disappear—it just gets buried under conditioning.

And hear me clearly: awareness is not weakness. It is maturity.

Healing is not about shaming yourself for what you didn’t know. It is about giving yourself permission to stop living on autopilot. To stop managing pain instead of addressing it. To stop adjusting to what God is trying to heal.

Scripture says,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24 (ESV)

That is not a passive prayer. That is an invitation for exposure, clarity, and change. And it requires courage.

Because once something is no longer normalized, it must be addressed.

And that’s the part many people avoid—not because they don’t want healing, but because healing means letting go of the identities, patterns, and coping mechanisms that once made life survivable. There is grief in that. And grief deserves space, not judgment.

Beloved, please hear this: what you normalize will continue to shape you.

And what you choose to heal will eventually free you.

A Prayer for Truth That Leads to Healing What You've Normalized

Father God,

I come before You without pretending. I acknowledge the patterns I’ve excused, the pain I’ve minimized, and the ways I’ve called survival “normal.” You see what I’ve endured—and You see what it has cost me.

Give me the courage to name what needs healing. Expose what I’ve learned to tolerate but was never meant to carry. Heal the places where adaptation replaced identity and coping replaced wholeness.

Lead me gently, but clearly, into truth that restores—not just truth I agree with, but truth I live from.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Heart Work: Interrupt the Autopilot

Sit with these slowly. No rushing. No fixing.

1. What patterns in my life feel “normal” but leave me consistently depleted?

2. What behaviors do I excuse because they are familiar—even when they hurt?

3. Where have I confused endurance with maturity?

4. What part of me learned that this level of struggle was acceptable?

5. If this pattern were no longer normalized, what conversation or change would be necessary?

Write honestly. Healing begins where honesty is safe.

P.S. — If This Felt Uncomfortably Familiar, Read This Carefully

If this post stirred something in you, it’s not because you’re doing life wrong—it’s because you’re becoming more aware. And awareness is always the beginning of healing.

✨ Pier of Hope™ was created for this exact moment. It is a Spirit-led, emotionally grounded membership designed to help you slow down, notice what you’ve normalized, and begin addressing the roots of burnout, people-pleasing, and self-neglect—without pressure or performance. This is not a content library or a place to keep pushing. It’s a guided healing pathway that honors your pace while leading you toward clarity and restoration. Click here for more info!

✨ From there, Shift. Heal. Grow!™ offers deeper, structured support for those ready to move beyond awareness into transformation—integrating emotional wellness, faith, and identity in a way that produces lasting change. Ready to shift? Click here!

You do not have to keep adjusting to what is harming you.

You do not have to keep calling survival “normal.”

And you do not have to heal alone.

With grace, truth, and just enough holy sass to keep you honest,

Adrienne K.